Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Bed Rest Chronicles Part 2: Husband

An old Chinese parable:

There was a country farmer working in his field and his horse ran away. His neighbors sympathized over his bad luck. "Who's to say what is good and what is bad?" He said.
A few weeks later, his horse returned along with a herd of wild horses. His neighbors congratulated him on his good fortune. "Who's to say what is good and what is bad?" He said.
While taming one of the wild horses, the farmer's son was thrown and broke his arm. This seemed like a bad turn of events to his neighbors but the farmer gave the same response.
A week later the army came through the province and conscripted every able bodied man, but not the farmer's son with his broken arm. "Who's to say what is good and what is bad?"

I've thought of this story a lot lately as it seems to sum up things rather well these days.
I am for all intents and purposes an invalid doing all I can to prevent the loss of our baby.
Yet every day that passes, no matter how difficult, is full of gratitude and love. Rarely a day goes by that my husband of just two months doesn't do something or say something that shows his love and care for me.
Whether it's sleeping on the hospital floor without complaint or bringing home little treats from wherever he's been that day, I can tell I am not far from his thoughts, as he is not far from mine.

Is it all a bed of roses (no pun intended)? No. Navigating a new marriage, especially at our ages, along with this stressful situation is not easy, and a great deal has fallen on Q's shoulders. But love and humor go a long way and smooth many rough patches, and in some ways our transition from independent minded singles to married couple has gone surprisingly smooth. This I owe to our love for one another and the hard work we are willing to put into our adventure called marriage.

Many of our evenings are spent together in bed. We've watched baseball games, television shows on Q's Netbook, talked, joked, even argued. Q is a person always on the go, I know it's not easy for him to stay immobile for very long, but he does this because he understands I/we need it.
There is such a sweetness to these times that makes it all bearable. Often during my daily meditation my thoughts are pulled in his direction and then a memory will flood my heart with such intense love that I feel overwhelmed by it. Good medicine, indeed.
I know there is a lot we are missing out on, and we certainly have our valid worries and fears to contend with, but I wouldn't trade our time together for anything, and I know that what happens now is the foundation for our life together.

Below is the contemporary version of the Seven Jewish Wedding Blessings which Q's mother recited at our wedding.

May your marriage enrich your lives.

May you work together to build a relationship of substance and quality.

May the honesty of your communication build a foundation of understanding, connection, and trust.

May you respect each other’s individual personality and philosophy, and give each other room to grow and fulfill each other’s dreams.

May your sense of humor and playful spirit continue to enliven your relationship.

May you understand that neither of you is perfect: you are both subject to human frailties: and may your love strengthen when you fall short of each other’s

May you be “best friends," better together than either of you are apart.

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