Tuesday, December 7, 2010


Today is a day of "have-tos."
First was a call to the cable company because the Internet connection on my desktop has gone out--again. Nothing like paying $50 a month for terrible service.
Then a call to the local Social Security office. I submitted all the forms for my name change back in September and had yet to receive my new SS card. Turns out, they never received the information. This means my SS information, my birth certificate and our marriage certificate are "out there" somewhere and that makes me nervous.
Then it was filling out more paperwork for my long term disability while on bed rest. A bit anxiety provoking but overall not too bad.

Next up I have to order more clothes! I'm expanding quickly and am running out of things to wear for the colder weather. And did I mention the cold? Brrrr! In the low teens at night and not much warmer during the day. So glad I married a man who is like a furnace and who keeps me warm at night.
Also, buying another birthday gift for Q. That's a have-to I'll enjoy.

Is origami a have-to? Maybe not, but I'm stuck on one particular fold and I am determined to learn it. I also have a first draft of a poem written down that I need to work on.

Last night I watched the documentary Ram Dass: Fierce Grace. Such a deeply moving and profound film/person/experience. I was reminded of where I used to be and what I went through and so I feel today that this is the most important have-to: Ram Dass' life is a valuable reminder to me of the need for balance between the awareness of suffering on one side and love, compassion, joy on the other. This is ongoing work. It's not something one just "gets" and then moves on to other things.
I do work on it. But I seem to still be imbalanced as I am regularly overwhelmed by the suffering of others and can have difficulties pulling myself out of that place. This can often turn to anger and hard-heartedness in order to handle the more tender, difficult feelings. So yes, balance between that openness and that hard place tops the Have-To list.

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