Wednesday, December 22, 2010


"I give up."
I had that thought this morning although that's not what I really felt. I feel discouraged.
I'm tired of pain, progesterone shots, doctor exams and tests, constant nose bleeds, swollen sinuses, worrying about going into labor too early, haggling with the insurance company.
So I guess in a fit of frustration and self pity I thought, "I give up. Maybe I'll go to bed and refuse to get up until I go into labor. No more doctors, no more tests, no more shots, screw the insurance company."
I guess even 41 year olds have times of petulance.
Cloudy days don't help, either. Or the fact that Christmas is three days away yet I feel completely disconnected from it. Or that we wanted to see the red moon and lunar eclipse but couldn't due to snow and clouds.

But ultimately, I am not an "I give up" kind of person. I can be cranky, no doubt about that. And I can get discouraged and frustrated, but never will I give up.

I started a mental list of places to go after the baby is born. India? Mexico? Antarctica? Highly unrealistic at this phase of my life, but what the heck. Hueston Woods, the art museums, even New York City are much more realistic and I look forward to seeing all of them again or for the first time.
I can't wait to take Jessie out for her first hike in the woods. I hope she loves nature as much as we do. I believe she will.

Weekly doctor visit and a growth ultrasound today so I need to work on improving my mood. I don't think the professionals appreciate 41 year old petulance.


  1. Enjoy your petulance Tree, it's all part of the growing pains. I enjoy my own pity party sometimes and I take it to the limit so I have something to really laugh at when it passes. Hang in there! Brightest blessings to you and yours!

  2. We'll raise a glass to petulance this holiday season :-)

  3. Just 'be with it', Tree. This too shall pass. Sending love and light.