Today began the the much dreaded bi-weekly and weekly tests.
I drove myself to the medical office which is a first since this adventure began on October 1. Once a week I go to a hospital much closer to home, and it turns out I'm in the same office where I had the amnio, and the same room where we first heard all the bad news, so that's a bit strange for me.
I had my 32 week growth ultrasound and amniotic fluid intake test, and while I realize it's not the ultrasound tech's job to please me by showing me the baby's face, I was still really disappointed that she spent so little time showing the baby's face! Unfortunately, the baby's position didn't help matters and the tech's photo taking abilities seem limited, so the two photos I got are blurry and I have to say, strange looking. I would feel a lot better about things if I was given the time to really look at her face and check things out.
I did notice the delivery date is now 3/5/11 instead of 3/9/11. And the baby's head measures larger than normal at 32 weeks, while her stomach measures slightly smaller. It's not an exact science, that's for sure but for all interested parties, I hope the head size levels off by delivery!
Jessie doesn't seem to like the ultrasounds and I don't blame her, and she moves and kicks quite a bit. By the time it was over she had curled into a tight ball in the center of my stomach which looked a bit strange and was pretty uncomfortable.
Next was the non-stress test. First, I get to put on a huge elastic band around my waist. It reminded me a bit of a belly band, only bigger. And uglier. Like a giant ace bandage, really. This holds the monitors in place, for heart and contractions. Then I lie back in a recliner and listen to the baby's heart for twenty minutes.
Apparently Jessie had calmed down quite a bit and may have been asleep as her heart rate lowered, although was in a normal range. Well the nurse wasn't too happy about this so she came in and took out a buzzer, placed it on my belly by the baby's head and blasted her. This of course startled the baby, who made a big jump, and her heart rate soared. The nurse was very pleased with this. I on the other hand was upset by what I see as a cruelty and was crying a bit.
For a while I looked out the industrial, tinted window to the ugly, dreary, industrial view and wondered how I would handle all the normal bumps and bruises a child receives if I cry over something like this. Since before I became pregnant I've believed that one of the biggest challenges for me will be to overcome insatiable worry and not be a hovering, overprotective parent.
For a minute or two I wanted to pull off the monitors, tell them what they could do with their tests, leave and not come back. But I didn't.
I'd like to think that Jessie was thinking the same thing because the nurse would get the monitor in just the right spot and leave and Jessie would move and kick and throw off the whole test. But after several adjustments it was over, and her heart is fine.
Of course it's fine. And it will be fine every time I have this done, which I could tell them now but it won't matter.
Tomorrow I will see the doctor and get my progesterone shot and in five days I will have another non-stress test. And so it will go until delivery.
I've not allowed myself to think of what it would be like if my pregnancy had been normal, or to think too much about other women who are having normal pregnancies. I think I would feel too discouraged, too isolated, if I did.