Sunday, February 6, 2011

Reality 1, Fantasy 0

For a while now I've engaged in hormone fueled visions of losing my husband in some terrible accident so that he is suddenly taken from me and I am left to fend for myself. Very dramatic fodder for my mind, indeed.
I think these happen in part because being on bed rest has made me so dependent on Q, in part because I of course do love him and want him in my life and as mentioned, raging hormones. The same ones that cause me to cry at silly commercials and leave me sweating buckets in the middle of the night contribute to this intense need for and connection to this man I've been married to for just five months.

When I returned home from the hospital and lunch on Friday I found a message on my Facebook page from an old high school friend. A mutual friend's husband died in a terrible car accident the day before and she requested that our old group of friends be notified and contact her as she needed our support.
They had been married 17 years and have two young children and now all that is over in the blink of an eye.
Today I got a message from the friend who lost her husband. It's clear she's still in shock and is operating on autopilot. I would imagine it will take a while for this to really sink in.

This is someone I haven't seen in many years and our contact has been spotty but often when you're young you create ties with people that survive distance, years, fights, and hurts-- whether valid or not.
She is saying that she will move back to Massachusetts when the kids get out of school to be near family and friends. I tend to think that's a good idea.

I'm not sure how well this old friend will do in the coming weeks, months and years. This is quite a blow and she still has two children to raise and has to earn enough to live in a very expensive part of the country. I hope she finds her strength.

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