So tired these days, it's hard to focus on writing. I find thoughts just slip and slide in my brain before falling into oblivion, and any bursts of energy I get are used to prepare for the baby's arrival.
I haven't worked on my writing in weeks and my reading is reduced to baby books and to the things I used to avoid, like Sue Grafton books. I just can't seem to grasp anything more complicated.
I start week 37 today. I've been experiencing contractions and changes to my body, and even an intense night of false labor, so things are gearing up but the baby is still breech. Oh, not just breech, mind you. Our ingenious little fetus is using the placenta as a pillow for her head and my bladder as a footstool.
I'm almost over the sinus infection, my knee is improving day by day but this is countered by the normal aches and pains of a late-term pregnancy. Sleeping through the night is a long gone luxury, but that's ok. I figure it's practice for when the baby arrives and at least at this stage I can take naps if I really need one without missing out on anything too important.
I have a little space set up for the nursery; all the clothing and blankets have been washed and stacked, ready for duty. Still no final decision on what we'll do for daycare but it looks more and more like it will be my neighbor for four days a week and Q one day a week. I still have to get a pediatrician lined up but I've done research and just need to make a couple of phone calls. I feel less overwhelmed than I did a couple of weeks ago as I've chipped away at the to-do list.
Q and I have had our fill of upsets, worries and stress. At this point we just want to get through whatever lies ahead until the baby is born. So much has happened that it's hard to feel much of anything anymore, let alone excitement, we're just too worn out. I often feel like an automaton who goes from one to test to another, from one problem to the next. To say this experience has been an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement.
Still, I think every day of the moment Jessie leaves the confines of my body and is in our arms. And then a whole new adventure begins.
Funny, I've had quite a bit of experience with babies, even helped raise my niece and nephew, but when I think of taking care of Jessie my mind is paralyzed with fear and I think I don't know how to do anything! Well, I just have to put aside all those thoughts and rely on instincts and experience because the fact is I do know what to do in many situations and I can't be ruled by fear. When my nephew was a young infant I saved his life. If I can do that, then I can handle a lot of what will be thrown our way, and so will my capable husband.
We have been planning for a naming ceremony for the baby at Q's synagogue. It will be in April and Q's family will come in for it, which means a lot to us considering how far they have to travel. Q and I are looking forward to it as it seems like it will finally be a time to celebrate unequivocally. We've had precious little time for that so far as problems started within days of finding out I was pregnant.
We've chosen the Hebrew name Yiskah. It means foresight, seeing potential in the future and even clairvoyance.